I love being asexual sometimes purely for the reason that it shuts people down when they’re trying to flirt with me. (At least I think it was flirting? Clearly I’m asexual, because I wasn’t entirely sure that’s what he was doing.)
Anyway, yesterday this guy probably thought he was so smooth in asking for my number, which I gave him because we were working together this weekend so we needed to be in touch anyway. And I genuinely did like him; I enjoyed him being around. But then later just the two of us went for a walk and then went back to my place, and it was borderline date zone, and he was showing me photos of his kids which was super awkward given my utter disdain for children. And then we got on the topic of dating — somehow. I said something about how I wasn’t interested in men, and he said, “So then are you interested in men or women?” with that intrigued curiosity that straight men have about lesbians, you know?
I said, “Neither.” But I was surprised when he went on and said, “Oh. So you’re asexual?” I was surprised he knew what that was, but I said yes, and then he just said “Interesting,” and got really quiet.
In my head I was cackling to myself because I’m pretty sure he was hoping something would come out of being alone at my apartment. But he kept just saying, “Interesting,” and talking about how the libido is such a powerful force in the body and the ‘energy’ it creates can be really strong. I don’t even know. Thankfully he didn’t push it and use any of the bingo phrases of being a late bloomer or not having good enough sex — although he did come pretty close to the whole “You’ll change your mind” thing about not wanting children — but I could tell his reason for being here suddenly changed dramatically. Hahaha. Score one for the asexuals.
OH AND I FORGOT THIS PART:
Later still I played him some music from a certain ginger Australian musician that I adore and told him I was the quintessential fangirl, and he went, “So let me guess, if you met him the asexual thing wouldn’t be an issue, right?”
"…no, that wouldn’t change."
"Even if he was making advances?"
"It would be more of me stopping and saying, ‘Actually, can we be best friends forever instead, please?’"
He laughed pretty hard at that. But like, seriously, it’s not an issue of who I’m hypothetically sleeping with or seduced by, it’s the fact that I don’t experience sexual attraction — even to my favorite celebrities and musicians! I have zero desire to sleep with anyone. That’s the whole point.
My interest in people, even my admiration of people’s appearances, has nothing to do with whether I want to sleep with them. It’s an aesthetic thing; I can find people beautiful without wanting to fuck them. It’s commonly repeated among asexual tumblrites here, but it’s true! It’s not selective (or at least not the type of asexuality I identify with).